her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
