yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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