We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
