I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
