No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
