I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
