Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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