I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The uberlube is also flammable
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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