so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm having to shit out rocks
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
