She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
