I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
