It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
