oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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