I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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