There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
