Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
