if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
