dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
