One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I supernannyed him into submission
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
