mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize