i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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