and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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