i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
