Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
