omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
i think im in europe. pls send help
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
