that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We're too hungover to prance.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
