i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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