i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
