She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
