I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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