I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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