woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
