Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
