Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
