Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
