I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
