Whod you bang
This is not my ceiling
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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