On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
