chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
