All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
