garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
