I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i think i have herpe
just one?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
