i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
