why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
