you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
