When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
