Your mouth is God's brothel.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
