Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
