You really coming over, don't trick.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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