she looked like the before picture.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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