just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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