My room smells like vodka and shame
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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