Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
