she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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