Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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