Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
