i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
