He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
They took my balls.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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