Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
