You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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