i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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