she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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