My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
