I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
