Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
