one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
