Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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