So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
