and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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