we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
