Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
