Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
